Matrescence

“The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new."

— Osho

Many have been told, “Motherhood changes you.” It’s called matrescence and is defined as the physical, psychological, and emotional changes a mother goes through after the birth of a child. I know definitions have to be specific and sometimes narrow, but there is so much that definition leaves out.

Changes in and to a woman don’t just happen after the birth of a child. Nor does she become a mother exclusively after birth. From the moment of conception, she is a mother. There are already physical changes, hormonal changes, emotional change, priorities change, the picture of your entire life changes. Your identity starts to change, and that is matrescence. 

It is a time of being in the middle. The old self is not that far behind you, but now out of reach. The new self has already arrived, and yet feels unfamiliar, unknown, uncomfortable even. It is the tension of letting go and becoming. 

It’s a sacred transition. It’s a walk, a process, not done in a moment’s time. It is a shift where things soften - the heart and the body. She becomes stronger and more tender at the same time. It is often filled with the mixture of grief and joy. Priorities rearrange, a new life unfolds. She grows, expands, and learns a love like never before.

It is often a time where a new mother feels misunderstood by others around her, and within herself. Which makes sense, she is a whole new person, but hasn’t had a lot of time to settle into that yet. The good news is, there are millions of mothers who relate to this experience, who understand what she is going through, who have gone through that too.

For the rest of us who surround new mothers, I think it is an important reminder to give them grace. It is not every day that someone has to reorganize their entire life, their entire sense of self. I think simply knowing this word, even at the very basic definition, could give those who have not yet tried to understand a glimpse into the immense shift of becoming a mother.